Do You just want a willing heart?

August 23:"Dear Rev. Spivey, The Pastor’s Search Committee of the FBC of Soperton, GA has received your resume’. You are one of our final candidates for the Senior Pastor position."

This is the email we received about 2 1/2 months ago. I was actually the one that opened it and quickly responded to Mike "Do you want me to just respond saying that we are not interested?" You see, I lived in a small town once before. I met friends that have become my life-long friends, but I NEVER thought that I would ever live in a small town again. I actually always told Mike that I wanted to live somewhere where there is a zoo, not a farm.

Mike, in his sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, said "No, let's just see what happens." We had already felt in the weeks before that the Lord was beginning to "release" us from our ministry here. We didn't know what He had in store, but we both had a sense that our time at TRBC was coming to an end. We had been in much prayer over what the next area of ministry would be for us, but we were not seeking anything out. Our good friend, Ross, used to be FBC's youth pastor and gave them Mike's resume when the pastorate came available. It was the first resume they received.

The pastor search committee was compiled of very Godly and Biblical men and woman. We were very impressed with the way they handled the process and the fact that every meeting they had and had with us was bathed in prayer. For this we are thankful.

August 25:"Continue to speak to Mike about where you want out family to go. I don't want to hinder Your work in our life. I know that you know my desires. Help me trust you and Mike."

September 1st:"Lord, If I am going to be honest..."

September 2nd:"Honestly, Lord I am having a hard time (but you know that). I don't want to be a hindrance to what you may want to do, but if this is where you want us my heart would need a heart change. I do not want to be like Jonah and run from you. But you know the desires of my heart"

While, the committee was searching out the voice of the Lord, I, on the other hand, was trying my best to "read" (on my terms) into what God may be wanting from us. My flesh did not want to move to a small town. Period. I was trying to be honest with the Lord, but at the same time the Holy Spirt was pulling at my heart and revealing the sin in my life. I would say "you know the desires of my heart" - when the deep heart desire that we have is to be in the will of God and to follow him. So yes, he knows the desires of our heart, even when we don't.

The main way that the Lord confirmed things in our hearts is through scripture. A few weeks before all this started I told Mike that I was longing for the Word of God to be LIFE in me. To be breath in my lungs. I was longing for the Bible to come aline in me. The Lord is so sweet to use this journey to accomplish that in my life.

One of the first passages of scripture that the Lord used was Acts 17:26 - "He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live." The second my eyes read that verse it was in my heart. It was constantly coming to my mind day after day. HE determines where we live! When we commit our lives to the Lord, it is not ours - it is the Lord and He tells us where we go.

Everyone that I talked to regarding this possibility brought up Jonah to me. I told my mom, "If I hear one more person use the name Jonah!" Mike would casually refer to me as "Mrs. Jonah" Our neighbors moved in and their son's name is... you guessed it, Jonah! He was all around me. It was obvious that the Lord was wanting me to look into the book of Jonah, so I sat down and read it through. It is a common book that we are all familiar with the "Sunday School Story." The reality of it is that God asked Jonah to do something that went against all of his flesh! Nothing in Jonah wanted to go to Ninevah! Nothing. Jonah went to the dock and didn't say "Oh, I think Tarsish would be a great place to go" he went to the dock and said "Where can I go that is the OPPOSITE direction from Ninevah." That part of the story line cut me to my core! Everything in my heart was running from where I knew the Lord was wanting to take us. David Platt made a statement on twitter that said:

From Jonah: We are more concerned with our earthly desires then we are other's eternal destinies."

Yep! The Lord was really talking straight to me on this one. I had many "earthly desires" that I had on the "list" of conditions with the Lord. Those earthly desires are nothing compared to being apart of the Lord's work in bringing others closer to Him. The Lord revealed my selfish heart through this.

September 7th:"Lord, I can sense that you may be gradually changing my heart. Maybe it is just that I will be obedient to go anywhere you call us to go? I am not sure what you are going to do, but I do ask that you confirm it in tangible ways and an extreme peace in our hearts."

At this point we had a meeting with the committee in Columbus, Georgia. During the meeting, I got up to go to the bathroom just to breathe and in my heart said to the Lord "This is where you are taking us, isn't it?" The committee and Mike clicked on all levels and no red flags presented themselves to us. I came home and told my mom that if it was anywhere else I would be "begging" the Lord to take us there. I am so thankful that we don't have to "beg" the Lord for His will to be done. (Isaiah 14:24 "The LORD Almighty has sworn, “Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will happen.")

The meeting was on a Saturday night, and that following Sunday our pastor preached a sermon on following God the cut right to me. Everything he said was applicable to what we were walking through. Here are some things that he said:

- "Following God may go against everything your flesh desires." Exactly!
- "If we don't do all that God calls us to there will be a day of reckoning" Yikes!
-"Our natural tendencies are to be selfish saying, "how with this affect me?" When the right question is "How will this bring Glory to God" (side note: In the book of Matthew it says that Jonah points to Christ. So, what was against his flesh, ultimately pointed to the Gospel!)
- "The rich young ruler walked away sorrowful. Following Christ will bring joy" Even when it is tough.
-"Disobedience results in being inaffective." I do not want to be a hindrance to my husbands ministry.

I am currently going to a Bible Study (BSF) where we are studying, verse by verse, the book of Isaiah. Every week the Lord has used this book to continue to do a work in me. After the committee meeting, that went SO WELL, happened, I was making my prayer "Lord make my heart willing!" On the inside, I was hoping that if my heart was willing then that would be all the Lord wanted from me - was just willingness. So in my head if I was willing, then it wouldn't really happen. While these conversations were going on with the Lord and myself He took me to this verse:

Isaiah 1:19 - "If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the Land."

This verse changed everything for me. The Lord was not just calling me to be willing, but to be willing AND obedient. He wanted my full obedience (with a willing heart). Walking in obedience may not be easy, but we will not be blessed apart from it. The Lord is good and has good for us - he desires that we eat the "best of the Land" - and knowing that the Lord is good and desires good for us is comfort when we realize that our definition of "good" may not be the Lord's definition of good for our life. So - bottom line is that He is good - All the time! :)

October 4th: "I pray that you will be so clear to us in what you want us to do. Continue to give us scripture to hold on to. You have already done MUCH in my heart. From a stubborn, "No" to a willing "yes." "

At this point the Lord changed my heart. He did it. He did what, 2 months earlier, I didn't think would happen. My heart went from "No" to "make me willing" to "yes" to "PLEASE LORD!" I am very thankful to the Lord for being so gracious in shepherding my heart towards obedience in a gentle way.

We were now at the point in the process where we went to preach at a good friends church in front of the committee. Before leaving, our neighbor prayed for us, and one thing she prayed for was that "We would hear the voice of the Lord saying "Here is the way, walk in it." That phrase rang through my head through the whole weekend. As we were driving back to Montgomery, we passed through many Pecan Orchards. These orchards are planted in rows and as you drive by at 60 mph the rows are CLEARLY defined. I couldn't help but think that if we were standing in the middle of these orchards the rows may not be do clear, but from a distance it is. The Lord took me to Proverbs 5:21 "For a man's way are in full view of the Lord and he examines all his paths." It was as if we are standing in the middle of the orchard and we are in FULL VIEW of the Lord. We have to rely on the Lord and trust his voice saying "This is the path!" He knows the path - we trust and obey. The Holy Spirt also took me to Proverbs 16:9 - "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his path." Once again, He knows the path - we trust and obey.

That following week at BSF we were studying Isaiah 6. This is a passage that is very familiar to me. It is where Isaiah gets a glimpse of the Lord and the train of his robe filled the temple with Glory. The seraphs were flying covering their eyes and their feet. Our lecturer made the statement that it was as if the seraphs were saying "He directs our paths, we don't" - exactly what my soul was feeling! In Isaiah 6, God says "Who will go for me" Quickly, Isaiah responded "Here I am - Send me." I had this passage already highlighted. Probably did it during a sermon in college or something - probably at a time in my life where it is very easy to say "HERE I AM - SEND ME!" when we think, "Yes Lord I would do it!" But when you are walking in it and when you have to say "Here I am Lord" this passage becomes more real. I was struck, and convicted, that Isaiah didn't know what or where God was wanting him to do. He committed to obedience prior to knowing the task. Here I have been telling the Lord conditions that I had, or preferences, when what I needed to say was "Here I am - Send me, no. matter. what." Isaiah goes on to ask the Lord "How Long?" At the beginning of this process I remember thinking, "Ok, Lord - if you take us here, how long will it be for?" And basically the Lord responded to Isaiah with "Until the work is done. Until I say so." And the Lord spoke straight to me saying "I am taking you to Soperton, and I want you to be there until I say so. period."

October 4th:"I know you don't have to, but I do ask, if we do go that you make it 100% clear from you!"

I kept telling Mike that I wanted the Lord to confirm this in us in a real way. A way that I could walk into this with 100% peace. Mike responded to me that the Lord didn't have to do that. And I knew that, but I also knew that He could. Through this whole journey I constantly wrote down every verse that the Lord gave us. One afternoon, as I was praying that the Lord would make it real, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said "He did" He used His word to bring confirmation to us. My prayer, before any of this started, was that the Lord would make His word alive in me - and boy did he! We are able to walk into Soperton, Georgia with complete peace, knowing that the Lord brought us there. Knowing that we are walking in complete obedience with the Lord.

October 31: "Lord, We thank you for your goodness to us with Soperton! That you are using us, expanding our ministries, and providing abundantly for us. You have been so gracious!"

On October 31st Mike preached in view of call at FBC Soperton. The church voted, overwhelmingly majority, and we will make our move in December.

The Lord has been so good to us. So good.